Blonde Jokes 101 - 200 |
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101. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? She'd just dyed her hair. or 102. She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. 103. Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads. 104. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone. 105. What was the blonde psychic's gretest achievement? An IN-body experience! 106. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme! 107. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear! 108. How do you get a blonde's eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears! 109. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes to long too retrain them! 110. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out! 111. What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. 112. How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in their shoulder pads! 113. How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks in their shoulder pads! 114. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages! 115. Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar! 116. Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper! or 117. They can't find the pull tab! 118. Why do blondes wear green lipstick? Because red means stop! 119. What is the mating call of an ugly blonde? (Screaming) I said: I'm drunk! 120. How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was run over by the zamboni machine. 121. What's a brunette's mating call? When is that blonde bitch going to leave? or 122. All the blondes have gone home! 123. Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it. 124. Why do blondes like the GST (Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)? Because they can spell it. 125. What is 74 to a blonde? 69 plus GST! 126. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? Tits Go In Front. 127. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter! 128. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 129. How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear. or 130. Buy her another beer. 131. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? "Have another beer." 132. What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? Pack their lunch and send them to work! 133. What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces herself! 134. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? Fertilized! 135. How does a blonde like her eggs? Unfertilized! 136. Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? More leg room! 137. What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? Bucket seats! 138. What do blondes say after sex? "Thanks, guys!" or 139. "Are you boys all in the same band?" or 140. "Do you guys all play for the [insert team name here]?" or 141. "Who were all those guys?" 142. Why is a blonde like a door knob? Everybody gets a turn! 143. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? Because she's been laid all over the country! 144. What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? 145. Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? Who cares? 146. Why do blondes have orgasms? So then know when to stop having sex. 147. How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? She drops her nail-file! or 148. Who cares? or 149. She says, "Next!" or 150. The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. or 151. He's had his clothes for about two minutes. or 152. I mean, who really cares? or 153. The batteries have run out. 154. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear? Thanks for the refill. 155. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer. 156. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress when reading her nametag? "Debbie...that's cute. What did you name the other one?" 157. Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better. or 158. They are easier to keep amused. or 159. Because they are easier to find in the dark. 160. What's a blonde's favorite wine? "Daddy! I want to go to Miami!" 161. What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. 162. Why are there no dumb brunettes? Peroxide. 163. What is the differencebetween a blonde and a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747. 164. What does a blonde say when she gives birth? "Gee, are you sure it's mine?" 165. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" 166. What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel. 167. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A dope ring. 168. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper. (See Joke 6 for a slightly different punchline) 169. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. 170. Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is. 171. Why did the blonde stop using the pill? Because it kept falling out. 172. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? Her IQ goes up! 173. What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys. 174. What's the difference between a Porsche and a blonde? You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. 175. What's the difference between a toothbrush and a blonde? You don't let your best friend use your toothbrush. 176. What is the difference between butter and a blonde? Butter is difficult to spread. 177. A state trooper pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding. While he is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license is. ("You know, that little card in your wallet that has that picture of you on it?") he has come to the decision that she is a pretty hot babe. Finally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment." Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is tearing through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his 'member' out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no!!! Not another breathalyzer test!" 178. What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball! or 179. There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke! or 180. You don't eat your bowling ball! 181. What do a blonde and a bowling ball have in common? Chances are they'll both end up in up in the gutter! 182. What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? They know how many men went down on the Titanic! 183. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been spotted! 184. What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? It costs $.30 to use a telephone! 185. What's the difference between a blonde and and a guy? The blonde guy has a higher sperm count! 186. What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men. 187. Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week! 188. What do blondes and cow-patties have in common? They both get easier to pick-up with age! 189. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? The more you bang it, the loser it gets! 190. What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck out! 191. What do blondes and spaghetti have in common? They both wriggle when you eat them! 192. Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? So she could lip read! 193. What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? They both have black roots! 194. What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head? Sweet Fuck All... 195. How do you drown a blonde? Don't tell her to swallow. 196. Boyfriend: "Why do you never scream my name when you come?" Blonde: "Because you're never there when it happens." 197. Why do blondes have square breasts? Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. 198. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Ten. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. or 199. Three. One to make batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. or 200. Two. One to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms. |
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