Blonde Jokes 401

*Blonde Jokes 401 - 500*
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	401. To a blonde, what is long and hard? Grade 4. 402. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? Third Grade. 403. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it. 404. What is the definition of gross ignorance? 144 blondes. 405. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes? Because at 69 they blow a rod... 406. Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters. 407. What is the definition of the perfect woman? A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. 408. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? They both drip when they're screwed. 409. How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! 410. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? It swells at night. 411. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" 412. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." 413. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? Locking the car door. or 414. Putting the car in park. 415. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test? Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat. 416. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved. 417. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade. 418. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. 419. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them. 420. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the rose window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. 421. Did you hear about the blonde who: had more on her body than on her mind? was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? took an hour to cook Minute Rice? got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? was an M.D.: Mentally Deficient? had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat? after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam? thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease? thought that a sanitary belt was a shot from a clean whiskey glass? thought that intercourse was a state highway. 422. Blondes...They take a lickin', and keep on...Lickin! 423. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears? 424. Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up. 425. At a car wash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!" 426. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on." 427. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms." 428. Another blonde in the porno shop: She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks, "How much for the black dildo?" He: "$35." She: "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!" 429. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those." 430. Blonde Medical Terminology: Anally: occurring yearly Artery: study of paintings Bacteria: back door of cafeteria Barium: what doctors do when treatment fails Benign: what you be after you be eight Bowel: letter like A.E.I.O.U Cesarean section: district in Rome Cat scan: searching for kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Colic: sheep dog Coma: a punctuation mark Congenital: friendly D&C: where Washington is Diarrhea: journal of daily events Dilate: to live long Enema: not a friend Fester: quicker Fibula: a small lie Genital: non-Jewish G.I. Series: soldiers' ball game Grippe: suitcase Hangnail: coathook Impotent: distinguished, well known Intense pain: torture in a teepee Labor pain: got hurt at work Medical staff: doctor's cane Morbid: higher offer Nitrate: cheaper than day rate Node: was aware of Outpatient: person who had fainted Pap smear: fatherhood test Pelvis: cousin of Elvis Post operative: letter carrier Protein: favoring young people Rectum: damn near killed 'em Recovery room: place to do upholstery Rheumatic: amorous Scar: rolled tobacco leaf Secretion: hiding anything Seizure: Roman emperor Serology: study of knighthood Tablet: small tablet Terminal illness: sickness at airport Tibia: country in North Africa Tumor: an extra pair Urine: opposite of you're out Varicose: located nearby Vein: conceited 431. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. 432. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? Blow in her ear. 433. Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? To keep her ankles warm. or 434. To keep her neck warm 435. How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette. 436. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team! 437. How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? By the chipped tooth. 438. How do you keep a blonde in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow. 439. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? To keep from bruising their ears. 440. Why does a blondes bra say T.G.I.F? Tits go in first. 441. Why do blondes have vaginas? So guys will talk to them at parties. 442. What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle? Rebel without a clue. 443. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? Full. 444. Imitation of a blonde refueling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears) 445. Why don't blonds breastfeed their babies? It hurts too much when they boil their nipples. 446. What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" "No, I just lie there." 447. What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning? "Thanks, guys..." 448. What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air pockets. 449. Why do blondes hate M&Ms? They're too hard to peel. 450. What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute and her four blonde friends? Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks. 451. What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? "Space. The final frontier......" 452. How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team? Just One... Boomer Esiason. (circa 1991) 453. What's brown and red and black and blue? A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. 454. What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner? You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms. 455. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? So she could keep the refrigerator cold. 456. How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? She fell out of the tree. 457. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought. 458. How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? One. 459. Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? She didn't know what ONE came first... 460. Why don't blondes talk when having sex? Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers. or 461. Their mothers told them not to talk with their mouths full. 462. What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? Divorced. 463. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" 464. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage? Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week. Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out. 465. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer! 466. How is a blonde like a postage stamp? You lick'em, stick'em, and send'em on their way. 467. How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night. 468. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!" 469. What do you call a bunch of blondes with PMS and yeast infections? A wine and cheese party! 470. Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ? She wasn't used to the front seat! 471. (Visual Joke) What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? "How do you shift this thing?" (said while making jacking off motions) 472. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? She picks up her purse and goes home. 473. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? The vegetable garden. 474. How many blondes does it take to play tag? One. 475. What's the difference between a lesbian finger-f**king a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road? One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . . 476. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? Blonde: I don't know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde: Easier than what? 477. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen? Far-from-thinkin. 478. Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. 479. What happened to the blonde tap dancer? She slipped off and fell down the drain. 480. Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Maneuver. 481. Did you hear about the blond skydiver? She missed the Earth! 482. What do a moped and a blond have in common? They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. 483. STATE OF OHIO DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 451 HIGH STREET George Voinovich COLUMBUS, OH 43210 Ralph G. Pacheco Governor Director FAX (614) 445-xxxx Phone (614) 445-xxxx BULLETIN NO. 91 DATE: January 7, 1992 TO: All Ohio Insurance Agents FROM: Ohio Department of Insurance SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 97, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after February 15, 1992, will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion. Included in the above act and beginning June 1, 1992, all other vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described above. The steering column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from the vehicle. Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming Ohio Safety Inspection program which will begin on this date. It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving public. However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety. Ohio DMV Act 92 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles. A recent study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nighttime Highway Traffic Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles and the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicle Research. It has shown that 96% of all Ohio nighttime highway accidents are caused by a blonde getting her foot caught in the steering wheel........ 484. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?" 485. How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? She sneezes. 486. What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov? "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!! 487. What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.? Nail polish! 488. What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant? Take her to the petting zoo. 489. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof? Tell her that the drinks are on the house 490. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. 491. What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A vacant possession. 492. What did the blonde's dentist find? Teeth in the cavity. 493. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? She's trying to hold on to a thought. 494. What does a car fatality and a blonde have in common? Put either in a car and they're fucked. 495. What is a blonde's idea of safe sex? A padded dash. 496. Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens? They couldn't find their eraser. 497. What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde? To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period). 498. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. 499. Why did the blonde cross the road? She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking! 500. Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
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