Blonde Jokes 501 - 600

About

501. A blonde working in a office is constantly being kidded about how dumb she is; so one evening she goes home and studies a map of the United States. The next day she goes into the office and announces that she knows all 50 states and their capitals. One of her office mates says, "OK, what's the capitol of Wyoming?" and the blonde replies, "W."

502. How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night gave you a good blow-job?
The sheets are sucked up your ass.

503. Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

504. Blonde Inventions:

• ...wind-powered fan
  

• ...battery-powered battery recharger
  
• ...Perpetual machine-needs power plug!
  
• ...Wind-powered air-conditioner
  
• ...Refrigerator for Eskimoes
  
• ...Steam bath that works only in the middle of the Sahara
  
• ...Electrically powered dynamo [Look at the extension cord she brought attached to her bicycle wheel...QED]
  
• ...ejection seat for helicopter pilots
  
• ...solar powered flashlight
  
• ...water-proof hair dryer: saves time in the shower.

505. What's the mating call of the redhead?
"Next!"

506. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.

507. Why do blondes prefer electric lawnmowers?
So they can find their way back to the house!

508. How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

509. How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
Come.

510. How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.

511. How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

512. How do you know a blond likes you?
She has sex with you two nights in a row.

513. How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still sticky.

514. Why is a blonde like Australia?
They're both down under, and no one cares.

515. Did you hear about the blonde that liked the number 77?
She likes to be 8 (ate) more.

516. Why don't blondes like anal sex?
They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

517. Why aren't blondes good at water-skiing?
When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

518. Why are blondes like pianos?
When they aren't upright, they're grand.

519. Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares?

520. Why can't blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

521. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
They spread for the bread.

522. What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

523. What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A foursome.

524. What do you give the blonde that has everything?
Penicillin

525. What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
B.J.

526. Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

527. Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.

528. Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
They have to pull their own pants down.

529. What do blonde virgins eat?
Baby food.

530. What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A prostitoad.

531. What is 68 to a blonde?
When she goes down on you and you owe her one.

532. Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
She wanted to go on a round trip.

533. Why did the blonde with a big vagina douche with crest?
She heard that it reduces cavities.

534. Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

535. Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
She thought it was diet coke.

536. Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 days?
The recipe said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

537. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

538. Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

539. Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
  She heard that the drinks were on the house.

540. What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?
  You can also sit upright in a car.

541. What's the definition of a metallurgist?
  A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

542. What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
  Vaseline and Poli-Grip.

543. What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead animal (fill in type) /brunette/etc. in the road?
  There are skid marks in front of the animal/brunette.

544. What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
  Prostitutes don't drive Ferraris.

545. What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
  Elvis has been sighted.

546. What is the difference between a blonde and a traffic sign?
  Some traffic signs say stop.

547. What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
  The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

548. What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
  A blonde will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.

549. What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a blonde with diarrhea?
  One shucks between fits.

550. What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
  One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

551. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
  When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

  or

552. A brick doesn't follow you around after it's been laid.

553. What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
  Pubic hair.

554. What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
  She peed on her corn flakes.

555. What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him?
  "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

556. What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
  She turned it over and used the other side.

557. What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
  "Thanks for the refill."

558. What is every blonde's ambition in life?
  To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

559. What can save a dying blonde?
  Hair transplants.

560. What did the blonde say when she woke up under a cow?
  What are you guys still doing here?

561. What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
  She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

562. What did the blonde think of her new computer?
  She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

563. What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
  She stopped sucking.

564. What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room?
  I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

565. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
  You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

566. What did the blonde say during a porno?
  "There I am!"

567. How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
  Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny.

568. What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde?
  When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

569. What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
  A hundred dollar bill.

570. Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
  She loves having her picture taken (flashes, get it?).

571. How does the blonde car pool work?
  They all meet at work at 7:45.

572. What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?
  She gets her ass chewed out.

573. Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
  She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

574. Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
  They always forget the recipe.

575. Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do anything for a fur coat?
  Well, now she can't button it (prego).

576. Did you hear about the sophisticated blonde?
  She thought her period was French Provincial.

577. Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio?
  It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

578. Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend say that he loved her?
  She believed him.

579. Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
  It's called MAIDS -- if the don't get one, they die.

580. Did you hear about the blonde with a Masters degree in Psychology?
  She'll blow your mind, too.

581. Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye?
  Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

582. Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
  She screams her own name when she comes.

583. Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
  She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

584. Did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
  Well, now she is making money on the side.

585. Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
  She won't go down on the doc.

586. Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
  She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

587. Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
  The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

588. Did you hear about the blonde doctor?
  She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

589. Did you hear about the blonde that ate mountain oysters?
  She was dragged 200 yards.

590. Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 Leagues Under the sea?
  She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

591. Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
  She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

592. Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
  They take off their makeup.

593. Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
  She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

594. Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
  To keep their legs together.

595. Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
  The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

596. Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
  Her employer found out she was embezzling.

597. What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
  He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

598. What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
  A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

599. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
  Practice.

600. Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
  From dating blonde men.