Blonde Jokes 201 - 300

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201. How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

202. What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?

If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

203. What's the blonde's cheer?

"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N..., ah, oh, well... I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea..."

204. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

Change.

205. How does a blonde moonwalk?

She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor.

206. Why do blondes find it difficult to get married?

Because men don't have to marry them for sex.

207. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?

Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

208. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once every month?

Because it says on the package "Good for up to 20lbs."

209. How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

By throwing it off of a cliff.

210. How did the blonde try to kill the fish?

By drowning it.

211. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

See an extended version of this joke at 741

Because on the box it said 'From 2-4 Years.'

212. What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

Nice tits!

213. How does a blonde high-five?

She smacks herself in the forehead!

214. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

215. Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?

Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

216. Why do blondes have legs?

So they don't get stuck to the ground.

or

217. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

or

218. So they don't leave trails, like snails.

219. Why did the blonde go halfway to Norway and then turn around and come home?

It took her that long to discover that a 14" Viking was a television.

220. What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?

The blonde.

or

221. The other guys waiting for their turn.

222. How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

Flattered.

223. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

They always forget what comes after the 9 in 911.

224. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz?'

"No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

225. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

Frosted flakes. (I don't get this one either)

226. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

Frosted flakes.

227. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?

A 69 interrupted by a period.

228. What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

229. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

"Oh, look!" "Donut seeds!"

230. Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

or

231. So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

232. Why don't blondes breast feed?

Because they always burn their nipples.

233. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

She kept having affairs with men.

234. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

Spot.

235. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

A space invader.

236. What's a blonde's favorite rock group?

Air Supply

237. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

The back of her head.

238. Why do blonde's drive VWs?

Because they can't spell Porsche

239. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?

Tell them a joke on Friday night.

240. Why did God create blondes?

Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

241. Why did God create brunettes?

Neither could the blondes.

242. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A branch manager.

243. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree.

244. Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

  So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

  or

245. So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to

  work or coming home.

246. What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

  A blonde electrician.

247. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

  So brunettes can remember them.

  or

248. Because blondes are so shallow a long joke wouldn't fit.

  or

249. So men can understand them.

250. Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?

  She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children.

251. What do call a smart blonde?

  A golden retriever.

  or

252. A labrador.

  or

253. An indicator of a really bad hangover.

254. Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

  Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

255. Why do blondes have periods?

  They deserve them.

256. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

  Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

257. Why did the blonde smile when she walked down the marriage aisle?

  She realized she gave her last blow-job.

258. What did the blonde do when she got her first period?

  Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.

259. Why did they call the blonde 'twinkie?'

  She like to be filled with cream.

260. What did the blonde say to the physicist?

  "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

261. Why are blondes like corn flakes?

  Because they're simple, easy, and they taste good.

262. How does a blonde hold her liquor?

  By the ears.

263. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

  You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

264. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

  Proofreading.

265. Do you know why the blonde tried to steal a police car?

  She saw '911' and thought that it was a Porsche.

266. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

  Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

267. How do you get a blonde pregnant?

  Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

268. What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?

  One's a bunch of cunning runts and the other's...not.

269. What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez and Panama Canals?

  One's a busy ditch.

270. What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

  A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

271. What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

  In the morning a rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-dooo," while a blonde says, "Any cock'll doooo."

272. What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket cart?

  The supermarket cart has a mind of its own.

273. What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

  Your job still sucks after six months.

274. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?

  The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"

  The nymphomaniac says, "Are you done already?"

  The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

275. How do you get a blonde to marry you?

  Tell her that she's pregnant.

276. What will she ask you when you tell her that she's pregnant?

  "Is it mine?"

277. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

  An air bag.

278. Why are there lip stick stains on the sterring wheel after a blonde drives a car?

  Because she blows the horn.

279. What does a blonde say when asked if her blinker light is on?

  It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off...

280. Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

  So her male would get delivered to the right box.

281. Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theatre?

  They went to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

282. How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

  By the buckle print on her forehead.

283. How can you tell who is the blonde's boyfriend?

  He's the one with belt buckle that matches the impression her forehead.

284. What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?

  She can't say 'No.'

285. What did you name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?

  Retardo.

286. Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."

  Blonde: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet

287. A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!"

  A blonde walks into a bar. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!..."

288. What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

  A visitor.

289. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

  So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.

290. How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

  A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

291. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

  They keep breaking them with the hammers.

292. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

  Perri-air.

293. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

  Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

294. Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?

  She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

295. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

  When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

296. What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

  The Air Pump!

297. Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

  Because she got an F in sex.

298. What do you call two nuns and a blonde?

  Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

299. Why did the blonde cross the road?

  Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom/kitchen!?

  or

300. I don't know.