Blonde Jokes 701 - 774

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701 . Blonde walks up to a Coke machine, puts her Looney in, presses a button & out comes a Coke. She looks down at the Coke, rubs her hands together, puts in another Looney, presses a button & out comes a Coke. The blonde tugs at her pants, rubs her hands together, pops in another Looney, presses a button - out comes a Coke.

Finally, after watching her do this over & over again for fifteen minutes, a guy walks up to her & says, "Hey, do you mind if I cut in here?"

"Back off, buddy!" she scowls, "Can't you see I'm winning?"

702 . A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

703 . John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks John.

"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard to figure out. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?" asks John.

"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.

"All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw pieces on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake, put the Cornflakes back in the Box."

Submitted by: Christopher Piper @ water.denver.co.gov

704. A Blonde called the Fire Department.
 She screams into the phone, "Hurry, come quick! My house is on fire."
 The fire Chief replied, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"
 The Blonde said, "DUH, Red Truck!"

 Submitted by: Jack LaPedis @ dukester.com

705. The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

  The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

706.A Blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cries.
"Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again. "Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

 Submitted by: Joe Ryan @ gruda.com

707. The pretty blondewas being interviewed for a rather high level executive position in the ad agency. Finally, the interviewer concluded with, "I like your style, Ms. J., I think you'll do fine. All that we ask is that you put out."

"Err, sir" she started, "Are you referring to *work* or *sex*?"

"L'il lady, if it's not one. it better be the other."

708. A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are in a bar when the bartender tells them about a magic mirror in the ladies' room. "Apparently," he says, "the mirror gives rewards if you stare into it and say something true. But if you lie, you're sucked into the mirror and never heard from again."

So the redhead heads to the bathroom, looks into the mirror, and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in this bar." A million dollars suddenly appears before her.

Then the brunette heads into the bathroom, looks into the mirror, and says, "I think I'm the smartest woman in this bar." The key to a new Ferrari materializes in her fingers.

Then the blonde goes in, looks into the mirror, and begins, "I think…" And she's sucked in and never heard from again.

709. SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT....

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.

She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

Submitted by: Kevin G @ attcanada.ca

710. When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

711. Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock knock jokes?
A: Because they go and answer the fucking door.

712. Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde - she is eighteen.

713. Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead competed in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition - the brunette came in first, and the redhead was a close second. Much later, the blonde finally reached the shore, completely exhausted and near the point of drowning.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she muttered, "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

714. A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground.
Her head continued to bounce on he ground as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworths manager came out and unplugged it.

715. A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

716. A blonde went to her doctor complaining of a sore on her tummy. As she lays down on the examining table, her doctor says "I'm going to have to put my finger into your navel to examine the skin."
"Hey!" she exclaimed, "that's not my navel!"
"That's okay," the doc replied, "that's not my finger!"

717. A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde, "Stand in the circle and DON'T MOVE!!" He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this."
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He's getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and slices all of her tires. Now she's laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "When you weren't looking I stepped outside the circle 4 times."

718. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an office building elevator from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain."
The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a cum stain," she says.
The blonde leans over and tastes the spot, then says, "Well, it's nobody from this building."

719. A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your fucking act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

720. A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."

721. Judi (who is blonde) decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
Judi: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."
Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Judi: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'."

722. Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One hunter looks at the other and says "I just don't understand it-- why aren't we getting any ducks?"
Her friend says "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

723. Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy"
"Yeah. What's it called Sharon?"
"Viens a moi."
"Viens a moi? What the hell does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"

724. A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

725. A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building. He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you women jump off of the building?"
The blonde answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..."

726. Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters, "Will it take ME?"

727. A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

728. Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.
Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

729. Q: Why shouldn't you let a blonde go out of the office for lunch?
A: They take too long to re-train.

730. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

731. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

732. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

733. A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

" From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

" No, from skipping."

734. A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.

"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her house, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him. The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"You just happened to catch my eye."

735. A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."

736. An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, " one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

737. On a hot summer day, a Blonde decided to paint her room. Instead of wearing old clothes she decided to wear a fur coat and a parka. When asked why she was so warmly dressed for painting she responded, "The paint can said that is comes out best with two coats."

738. A blonde, a brunnette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day, the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blond 4 miles. He told her not to worry, she still had a good lead.

So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well".

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."

739. The blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of "true/false" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. " I finished the exam in a half hour," she says. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

740. A blonde lived on a farm. she didn't get many visitors, so I went to see her...when I got there, she was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock.

I yelled out to her, and asked what she was doing standing out there all still and straight.

She replied that she was trying to win a Nobel prize.

I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?"

She replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Nobel Prize was to be outstanding in your field."

741. A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together... the side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

For a shorter version of this Joke see Joke 211

She was so blonde that...

742. ...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

743. ...if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.

744. ...under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'

745. ...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

746. ...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

747. ...she studied for a blood test... and failed.

748. ...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

749. ...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

750. ...she thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train.

751. ...she sold the car for gas money.

752. ...when she saw the 'NC-17' (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

753. ...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

754. ...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

755. A businessman got into an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, 'T-G-I-F'

He smiled at her and replied, 'S-H-I-T'

She looked at him puzzled and said, 'T-G-I-F' again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, 'S-H-I-T.'

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, 'T-G-I-F' another time.

The man smiled back at her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, 'S-H-I-T.'

The blonde finally decided to explain things and this time she said, 'T-G-I-F. Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?'

The man answered, 'S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey It's Thursday.'

756. An exhausted blonde dragged herself to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood," she said.

"They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills," said the doctor.

"A few of these and your troubles will be over."

"Great," said the blonde. "I'll try anything."

A few weeks later, the blonde returned, looking worse than ever.

"Doctor, it didn't work! I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"Maybe so," said the blonde, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs, and when I finally catch one, it's hell getting him to swallow the pill!"

757. A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers. The next day, two groups of workers show up- a crew of five Italian men and a crew of five blonde women.

The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give them a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first, they will get the job."

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back.

A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the Italian crew returns. "YAY!!" they shout. "We came back first, we get the job!!"

"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down."

"Fine, no problem," say the men.

An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 12:00, the Blonde crew arrive. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

"What do you mean, 'what took so long'?? Do we get the job?"

"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"

"Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!!"

758. Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

759. A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Thewife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

760. A blonde tried to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.

The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car.

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

761. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady.

Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

762. There was this blonde who bought a coach ticket to go to Chicago. She boards the plane and sits in the first class area. The stewardess comes over and says "ma'am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area".

The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".

The stewardess says "you must move to the coach area".

The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".

The stewardess goes over and gets the head stewardess. The head stewardess comes over and says "ma'am you must move to coach."

The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".

The stewardesses look at each other and decide to go get the captain. The captain comes over and says" ma'am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area".

The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".

The captain shakes his head and bends down and whispers in her ear. All of a sudden she jumps up grabs her luggage and goes over to the coach area. The stewardesses look at each other and ask the captain "What did you say to her?"

The captain says " I told her first class wasn't going to Chicago."

763. Patti, a well-stacked blonde, sat on the examining table. Dr Donovan placed his hand on her bare breast, "You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes," she murmured, "You're checking for breast cancer."

Donovan then began caressing her stomach. "Of course," he continued, "you know what I'm doing."

"Yes," she smiled. "You're checking my appendix."

By now the M.D. couldn't control himself any longer. He ripped off his clothes and began making love to her.

"You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he gasped.

"Yes," she replied. "You're checking for VD . . . and that's what I came here for."

764. A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

To which the blonde replies... "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states..."No.. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual... "If you need anything just let me know."

Well... a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!!!!

He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay??"

"No..." exclaims the blonde, "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!!"

765. There was a blonde, a red head, and a brunette and they were all up in space. Each girl tried thinking up ways to be better then the other two...

The red head said, " I am going to be the first woman to land on mars."

The brunette said, " I can beat that, i'll be the first woman to land on saturn."

The blonde said," I 'll beat both of you, i'll be the first woman to land on the sun."

"How are you going to do that", asked the other two.

"Simple", said the blonde. "I'll go at night!"

766. A brunette who really hates blondes is walking in the forest when all of a sudden she says a magic lamp on the ground. She says to herself,"It always works in the movies," and so proceeds to pick up and rub the lamp. A genie immediately emerges from the spout and says,"I will grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, all the blondes in the world will receive double the amount you receive. Do you understand?"

"Yes I understand," says the brunette, "and for my first wish, I want you to give my an incredibly handsome man."

"Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 incredibly handsome men?" asks the genie. The brunette replies yes and so an incredibly handsome man pops up beside her.

"For my second wish," saya the pleased brunette, "I want you to give me 1 million dollars."

"Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 million dollars?" inquires the genie. The brunette replies yes and a large pile of money pops up on her other side.

Growing even more excited the brunette says calmly, "Lastly - you see that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it."

767. A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."

Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Blonde: "It's called 'Head Cleaner."

768. Jerry and his blonde wife live in Cheyenne. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Jerry's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says,

"We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Jerry's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out.

Jerry's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Jerry says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Submitted by Stewart @ Habs.com

769.This blonde rang up the doctor & asked, "Doc, would u check if I left my panties behind in ur examination room?"

The doctor looked around & said,"No, they are not here."

"Oh," replied the blonde, "then I must have left them at the dentist's."

Submitted by brian a @ rogers.com

770. The nervous blonde sat on the dentist's chair to have her tooth
extracted. Seeing so many instruments, she got frightened.

"Doc, I would rather have a baby than have my tooth pulled out."

The dentist retorted,"Well, make up ur mind so that I can adjust the chair accordingly."

Submitted by brian a @ rogers.com

771. A brunette sits beside a railroad track clapping & singing "35,35,35!!!!!!"

A blonde walks up and asks, "What are you doing? "

The Brunette replies, "counting, want to help?" The blonde replies, "sure", so in unison they clapped and sang"35, 35,35!!!!!!"

The brunette says, that would be more fun is if they stood in the middle of the railroad track and sang." The blonde says "that sounds fun! I want to go first" so the blonde stands in the middle of the railroad track and starts singing"35,35,35 !!!!!!! The blonde is shortly hit by a train. Then the brunette starts singing"36,36,36 !!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by dennis f @ canwel.com

772. A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

Submitted by Stewart @ Habs.com

773. As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the
same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...
" Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Ontario and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!

Submitted by bandrews @ rogers.com

774. Four blondes are driving in a minivan when it goes
over a cliff.

What is the tradgedy of this story?

The minivan could've held 8 blondes.

775. What's the difference between a blonde and a skating rink?

A skating rink gets cleaned after every period!

"Hey!, I know what you are thinking, there are only 775 jokes here. For the missing Joke go back to the Contents and click the blonde."

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