Blonde Jokes 301 - 400

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301. Why did the blonde cross the road?
Neither did she.

302. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.

303. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.

304. On a trip a blonde drives past a sign reading "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

305. Did you hear about the suicide blonde?
She dyed by her own hand.

306. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

307. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"

Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving."

308. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

309. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb."
Operator: "Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Operator: "The power in the house is on?"
Blonde: "Of course."
Operator: "And the switch is on?"
Blonde: "Yes, yes."
Operator: "And the bulb still won't light up?"
Blonde: "No, it's working fine."
Operator: "Then what's the problem?"
Blonde: "We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves."

310. Did you hear about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...

311. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

312. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

313. A blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can have sex with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."

314. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

Blonde #1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"

Blonde #2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"

315. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"

or

316. "Good thing that cows don't fly."

317. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said St. Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.

Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

318. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia...

319. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":

"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"

320. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender: "What is a B and C?".

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"

Blonde: "7 and 7"

321. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -- they just don't remember who with.

322. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said, "You know, it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

  To this the other blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."

  or another version

323. There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

324. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served -- just today"

325. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day?
  She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.

326. Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
  The rest are hunt'n peckers.

327. What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
  An air bag.

328. Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
  They don't know the route.

329. Why do blondes work seven days a week?
  So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

330. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
  It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

  (see joke 626 for a similar punchline)

331. What is foreplay for a blonde?
  Thirty minutes of begging.

332. What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
  Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

333. What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
  You need a quarter to use the phone.

  or

334. Only one person can use the phone at once.

335. What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
  They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.

336. What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
  It's OK daddy. I'm not hurt.

337. Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?
  Becasue she threw out all the W's.

338. How does a blonde commit suicide?
  She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

339. How do you plant dope?
  Bury a blonde.

340. Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
  Because he didn't want them shi**ing in the streets during parades.

341. How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
  Wave to her.

342. How does a blonde get pregnant?
  And I thought blondes were dumb!

343. What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
  A know-it-all bitch.

344. What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
  One's a phony buck.

345. What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
  A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

346. What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
  One that never misses a period.

347. What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
  An Italian suppository.

348. Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her butt when she stands?
  Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

349. What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-O?
  Jell-O wiggles when you eat it.

350. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
  I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

  or

351. Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it
  gets blood.

352. Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
  She was having sunny periods.

353. What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
  Her feet!

354. How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
  When she farts, her knees bag.

355. What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
  Marriage.

356. How is a blonde like a frying pan?
  You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

357. How do you describe the perfect blonde?
  4 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

(see joke 696 for a different punchline)

358. How do you confuse a blonde?
  You don't. They're born that way.

359. How do you paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
  Marry her. (see joke #355 also)

360. Did you hear about the blonde that died drinking milk?
  The cow fell on her.

361. How did the blonde burn her nose?
  Bobbing for French fries.

362. How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
  She has a checkbook.

363. How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
  There is a stamp on it.

364. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
  She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

365. What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
  Lipstick.

366. Why does a blonde insist on a having a guy wearing a condom?
  So she can have a doggie bag for later.

367. Why do men like blonde jokes??
  Because they can understand them.

368. Why do blondes like lightning?
  They think someone is taking their picture.

369. (Asking a blonde) Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
  (Blonde answering: puts finger on chin) I don't know. (Hits forehead)
  Oh I get it!

370. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
  From eating with forks.

371. Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
  From dating blonde men.

372. But why do brunettes take the pill ?
  Wishful Thinking.

373. Why don't blondes double recipes?
  The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

374. Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
  They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

375. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
  They can't remember the number.

  or

376. She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

377. What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
  A brunette with bad breath.

378. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
  Reservations.

379. What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
  They pull up their pants.

380. What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
  Air bubbles.
  or
381. an air pocket.

382. What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
  f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

383. What do you call a blonde lesbian?
  A waste.

384. What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
  An air mattress.

385. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
  A divorcee.

386. What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
  Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

387. What does a blonde owl say?
  What, what?

388. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
  A brain tumor.

389. A guy's in bed with a blonde and asks her, "Do you smoke after sex?"
  She replies, "I don't know; I never looked."

390. What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
  Two brunettes.

391. What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
  They both got screwed by 10 men whilst on holiday.

392. What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
  He knows who the ten men were.

393. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
  To see what was on the other side.

394. Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
  Too many blondes were drowning.

395. Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
  They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

396. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
  From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

397. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
  In case she locks the keys in her car.

398. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
  So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

399. Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
  Because she loved children.

400. If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
  The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.